Absurdities in the Book of Mormon

"I told the brethren that the Book of Mormon was the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion, and a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book."
— Joseph Smith

Egyptian Language

The author of the Book of Mormon evidently didn't realize that Jews would not speak or write in the language of Egypt, a nation that enslaved them and that the Jews despised.

Yea, I make a record in the language of my father, which consists of the learning of the Jews and the language of the Egyptians.
— 1 Nephi 1:2

For it were not possible that our father, Lehi, could have remembered all these things, to have taught them to his children, except it were for the help of these plates; for he having been taught in the language of the Egyptians therefore he could read these engravings, and teach them to his children, that thereby they could teach them to their children, and so fulfilling the commandments of God, even down to this present time.
— Mosiah 1:4

And now, behold, we have written this record according to our knowledge, in the characters which are called among us the reformed Egyptian, being handed down and altered by us, according to our manner of speech.
— Mormon 9:32

Submarines

Around 2,500 B.C. in the Book of Mormon narrative the Jaredites built submarines.

For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you.
— Ether 2:24

And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish.
— Ether 6:7

And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.
— Ether 6:10

• A submersible watertight vessel needs an oxygen source. The solution: plugs on the top and the bottom!
  And also we shall perish, for in them we cannot breathe, save it is the air which is in them; therefore we shall perish. And the Lord said unto the brother of Jared: Behold, thou shalt make a hole in the top, and also in the bottom; and when thou shalt suffer for air thou shalt unstop the hole and receive air. And if it be so that the water come in upon thee, behold, ye shall stop the hole, that ye may not perish in the flood.
  Ether 2:19-20

Shiz

It evidently didn't dawn on the author of the Book of Mormon that a decapitated man would not be struggling for breath.

And it came to pass that when Coriantumr had leaned upon his sword, that he rested a little, he smote off the head of Shiz. And it came to pass that after he had smitten off the head of Shiz, that Shiz raised up on his hands and fell; and after that he had struggled for breath, he died.
— Ether 15:30-31

The Babylon Exile

The Book of Mormon narrative opens with a prophet named Lehi who warns the city of Jerusalem to repent lest the city be destroyed and its peoples taken captive to Babylon. In response the people mock at him.

... There came many prophets, prophesying unto the people that they must repent, or the great city Jerusalem must be destroyed... and the inhabitants thereof; many should perish by the sword, and many should be carried away captive into Babylon... And it came to pass that the Jews did mock him... they were angry with him.
— 1 Nephi 1:4,13,19-20

• The Book of Mormon dates this event to the first year of the reign of Zedekiah. 1 Nephi 1:4
• The author of the Book of Mormon was evidently unaware that the Babylonians had already sieged Jerusalem and exiled its people.
  • The first Babylonian siege and exile happened under King Jehoiachin. 2 Kings 24:13
  • All Jerusalem was taken captive except the poor. 2 Kings 24:14
  • Jehoiachin served only three months (2 Kings 24:8) before the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar appointed his uncle Zedekiah as king. 2 Kings 24:17
  • According to the Book of Mormon, Lehi's warnings to Jerusalem happens in the first year of Zedekiah's reign, after the deportation.
    • The Book of Mormon narrative seems oblivious that an exile had just taken place.
    • We would not expect those (the poor) left behind in Jerusalem to mock that which they had already witnessed was possible.
    • According to the Book of Mormon narrative, Lehi, a lifetime citizen of Jerusalem (1 Nephi 1:4) wasn't poor so he should have been taken captive with Jehoiachin:
      And it came to pass that he departed into the wilderness. And he left his house, and the land of his inheritance, and his gold, and his silver, and his precious things, and took nothing with him...
      — 1 Nephi 2:4

Solomon's Temple Replica

The biblical records indicate that King Solomon's construction of the Temple was a major undertaking.

• 30,000 laborers (1 Kings 5:13)
• 70,000 transporters (1 Kings 5:15)
• 80,000 stone hewers (1 Kings 5:15)
• 3,300 deputies (1 Kings 5:16)
• Construction took seven years (1 Kings 6:38)

According to the Book of Mormon narrative, the handful of Jews who settled in the New World constructed a replica of Solomon's Temple.

And I, Nephi, did build a temple; and I did construct it after the manner of the temple of Solomon save it were not built of so many precious things; for they were not to be found upon the land, wherefore, it could not be built like unto Solomon’s temple. But the manner of the construction was like unto the temple of Solomon; and the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine.
— 2 Nephi 5:16

• The previous verse contradicts the claim that "so many precious things were not to be found on the land":
  And I did teach my people to build buildings, and to work in all manner of wood, and of iron, and of copper, and of brass, and of steel, and of gold, and of silver, and of precious ores, which were in great abundance.
  — 2 Nephi 5:15
• This list in nearly identical to the materials used to construct Solomon's Temple:
  Now send me a skilled man to work in gold, silver, brass and iron, and in purple, crimson and violet fabrics...to prepare timber in abundance for me, for the house which I am about to build will be great and wonderful.
  — 2 Chronicles 2:7,9
• The biggest problem here is that this replica was built within 30 years of landing in the New World. At the most the Jewish population would have been 2-3 dozen, which is a fraction of the manpower that was needed to build the original temple in Jerusalem.

Two battles, One hill

The Book of Mormon narrative repeats itself in a fantastical way. The narrative tells of two entire races, one around 600 B.C. and the other around 400 A.D. who are exterminated in fantastical wars, on the same hill, save one survivor who lives to tell about it.

	Jaredites	Nephites and Lamanites
Timeline	Migrated to the New World about 2500 B.C.	Migrated to the New World about 610 B.C. Lamanites split from Nephites
All inhabitants gather for war	Ether 15:12,15	Mormon 6:2,5
Battle at Hill Cumorah	Ether 15:11 Called Ramah by Jaredites	Mormon 6:2
Extinction: only one survivor	Omni 1:21 Jaredites become extinct	Mormon 8:2-3 Lamanites annihilate Nephites

Conclusion

The Book of Mormon absurdities demonstrate the carelessness of its author its human origins.

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